How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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