I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
