At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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