Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
