I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
