my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
