Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
