I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
