Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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