i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that's an acceptable place to lick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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