i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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