I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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