It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
