Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
