Are we in a gay sports bar?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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