At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had sex on a roof
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
