I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
