I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
