Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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