Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
