Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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