I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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