I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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