Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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