The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
