I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
foreskin is a definite game changer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
