I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
