What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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