Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
