So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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