Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
