i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
