Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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