Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
