does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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