Welp...herpes.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
