You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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