They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
