there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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