Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
