The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
