We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
