Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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