My first STD was from a foam party
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
