And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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