Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
