Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
