maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
