The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
