My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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