So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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