You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
