Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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