so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
